Talk to Associate Pastor for Pastoral Care Dr. Charles Qualls about marriage and you’ll notice a number of words that pop up throughout the conversation, coming back again and again like carousel ponies in motion – words such as partnership, communication, strength and passion.
"Marriage enrichment counseling is truly a passion of mine, a love of mine. It’s something I’ve been doing for more than 13 years – longer than I’ve been married myself," he explains. "I’m not talking about counseling for marriages that are already in crisis. I’m talking about keeping marriages out of crisis, about proactively making good marriages better."
Backed by years of conducting marriage enrichment weekends and individual couples counseling – he’s even co-authoring a book on marriage enrichment, due out in 2004 – Charles is now inviting couples at Second-Ponce to take advantage of his experience as a marriage resource. "This is just another layer of programming we’re offering through the Pastoral Care ministry."
When counseling married couples, Charles uses ENRICH, a set of marriage resource materials developed specifically for ministers by Dr. David Olsen at the University of Minnesota. ("Statistically speaking, 95 percent of weddings are performed by ministers, and 50 percent of those end in divorce, so shouldn’t we be part of the solution?" Charles asks.)
The materials lead off with a 165-question "Myers-Briggs-sort-of-personality-questionnaire-for-marrieds," the answers to which generate a 25-page customized report on the state of the couple’s marriage, evaluating areas of strength and areas that need growth.
"I think one of the starkest realities I’ve learned over the years is that time is no substitute for quality. I’ve known lots of senior adult couples where one partner was just barely tolerating the other, and it doesn’t have to be that way," he says.
"Another thing I’ve learned: we men have a lot of work to do. Socialization has left us a little inattentive when it comes to marriage," he adds. "We don’t send ‘thinking of you’ notes and things like that. So, often, I can be a bridge between expectations and realities and help couples meet in the middle on these things. The key is to not skip out on marriage enrichment because you think it’s only for those in crisis. I’ll say it again, marriage enrichment helps make good marriages better."
Couples work on exercises and reading between counseling sessions, which Charles says help husbands and wives identify their "missional" direction. "Every couple has a purpose," he says. "Part of the journey of life is living out that purpose together, and one of the things that makes life fulfilling and more enjoyable is figuring that out. That’s one of the things that we tackle in our one-on-one sessions."
There is no charge for the marriage enrichment counseling sessions. Call Charles at 404.591.4341 to learn more about ENRICH or to schedule an appointment.
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